Confessions of a Former HamburgerJunkie











{December 2, 2007}   Long Time no post

Yes I know that. No I am not dead.

I have been busy with my so called life which includes freelance work writing lately. It also includes my sister being sick, and my two best friends both having had twins in the last few months.

At the moment don’t know when I will be returning to this blog ……

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{May 26, 2007}   Birth

I will open this by saying that Mya and Avery Brooks were born to Butterfly and her husband on the 18th of May. (Butterfly is one of my oldest and closest friends as well as one of the original hardcore Vamps Prods., members)

And moving into the food segment ….MeatlessLoaf. I have come across a few recipes for Meatless meatloaf, but have yet to make it work. It comes out just crumbly, just won’t stick together. Meatloaf is one of the only things I truely miss about becoming veggy. I looked in veggy cookbooks, on the net and the food network, but none of the recipes have managed to stay in a well loaf form once I cut into it. Just falls apart.



{May 6, 2007}   Puzzle I Am

There just isn’t enough of me to go around.Not that it matters because even if there was there isnt enough hours in a week for me to get everything done that I need to. I have the typical troubles, (overbearing mom, crappy sister, low bank account) and some non-typical troubles (health issues steming from a car accident ontop of health issues that were already there) add to the mix that I am at a stage in life where I have hit a crossroads. The questions looming over my head right now are *should I go back to school and try to get my masters in anything, *should I take that online course I want, *should I move to a new apartment or try to stick it out for another year?
Let’s add to this that I have gotten into a relationship a few months ago with a man whom is moving out of town in two months and I don’t know if we will stay together or not? But there is even more to this mess. My friend and I back in highschool started a production company, and she has moved on with her life leaving the day to day of things to me. I want this company to be something solid, and about a year ago started to see the beginning results. It’s the deadlines and workload of this company that is draining me but in a very good way. I love what it is I do. I just dont understand why my mom cant be supportive of me?
It has caused me to have a few alter egos (the company) though. I created my art under one name, run the company under my legal name, and because I am acting in our latest film, need to be “in character” as much as possible as our “star diva”
I have run myself ragged and no longer even know who I truely am. No longer sure just what my real goals are. How much of me is me and how much is what everyone wants me to be?
After the car accident, my therapist earged me to write more as “me”. To be as unasheamed to be the person who was in the car that day. So I started to blog on the net as myself, not one of my alter egos. Because I have put so much of myself on the web as my alter egos, I have not added my photo as myself to anything. In a way it has let me be more free to be me. I have been able for the first time to incompass all of my interests not just one little piece that would fit under this part of my “character” or that little piece that would under another. Thou I am not completely ready to give up all the other parts of me, I feel alot stronger as myself as a whole person.



{April 17, 2007}   8 of Swords and Jellybeans

A friend of mine comes from a family of Shamin. She is a third generation, and was lucky enough to have met her soulmate when she was in her early teens. The couple studied Shamainism until two years ago when they split up. (he came out as gay) It shook my friend so hard that she turned her back on everything and everyone she had loved, myself included. That was until a few months ago when I had my car accident. She was there for my family when they needed her the most. Last week was the first time in the two years that she’d even touched a deck of tarots. But as always her reading was bang on. Her new boyfriend decided to pick up the deck and found the 8 of swords kept appearing, as it had for my friend. This was a little odd, cause I had been getting the same card in almost every reading for the past week. The deck in use is the Vampire Tarot by Nathalie Hertz. I had bought it a few months back because my Rider-Waite deck was so used up there was more tape holding it together then there was card. The 8 of Swords in this deck has this to say :A crouching devil hides his head from the swords of criticism, conflict, and uncertainty. The meaning=suffering a troubling time, but an extremely important crossroads in your life is approaching Reversed=big misfortune, unfaithfulness, jealousy and frustration Given the fact the three of us are all working on the latest film project that hardcore Vamps Prods., has in production, (frustration, important crossroads) my friend just found out the house she is renting is up for sale and she will have to move (big misfortune, frustration, important crossroads) her new promotion at work is causing problems with other staff who have been there longer (jealousy) and the new man I am involved with (frustration) is stressing us all to the max, that 8 of swords hit hard. And now you ask “what of the jellybeans?” That is another blog….



{April 6, 2007}   The Renfield Movement

The Renfield Movement is what I have been calling my essay (some would say my manifesto). And I guess it’s time I started to explain it. Pretty much everybody around the hcvp headquarters knows what I am getting at, we see it every day on the city streets and in the media. Now I know this is not going to be a popular idea, or at lest I should say not a positive one. What I am meaning when I say the Renfield Movement, is the fact that Vampirism has become a religion. Not the act of vampirism (though one could say it has but that is another conversation in itself) but the fact the media has turned the idea of the vampire into a god. Alot of “lifestylers” have bought into the media’s fictional iconic vampire and mixing it with paganism have created a religion based on the vampire. Therefore more and more people in the last 35 years have become part of the Renfield Movement. This is my thesis, and the main point to my essay. I will be talking more about this over time.



{April 5, 2007}   Quiz

Your Primary Mythical Creature

Fire Types
The main strength of the Fire types is achievement. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this urge to achieve.
Dragon
Fire with Air

Astrologically associated with Sagittarius and the Ninth House

Dragon types are charismatic leaders. They exude confidence and optimism and thrive on competition. They are progressive and expansive, socially oriented, and eager to achieve something for the greater good. They are informed by their love of ideas and exciting possibilities, and are often guided by strong moral and religious feeling. They can usually back up their plans with faultless logic. They are constantly active, moving restlessly from project to project, often having several going at once. They need to have control and will delegate tasks to people they can trust to perform well. They work hard and play hard. They are popular, both at work and socially. They have a flair for the dramatic and for display, but nevertheless they can be difficult to get to know intimately. They crave stimulation, are unconventional, and hate red tape.

Your Shadow Creature

Water Types
All the Water types have problems relating to feelings and closeness. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.
Satyr
Water and Earth

This shadow is by turns self-neglecting and over-indulgent and exhibits lack of discipline and self-control. A proper diet is avoided while harmful practices are pursued to excess. They are very active physically and mentally but produce nothing lasting. They want power and can be ruthless in their attempts to get it. They are secretive, and don’t trust others because they themselves can’t be trusted. They have an urge to dominate others and can be insensitive to their emotional needs. They are plagued by an underlying sense of emptiness that explains an apparent self-destructiveness. The biggest obstacle of weak Earth is to overcome self-centeredness and greed; the biggest obstacle of weak Water is to overcome insensitivity and alienation.



I just tried and failed at embedding a video for the Fall 2007 Fashion Highlights….speaking of Fashion, It seems to be in fashion right now to work with Tarots. I have been using tarots for the better part of 16 years, and still I find new things within them every day. The 4’s seem to be popping up alot as of late in my readings. I understand they are connected to the 4 elements of earth, air, water, fire (pentagrams, swords, cups and wands) what I just learned actually from reading
78 Notes to Self blog is that the 4’s mean that you are in the middle of something of substance. You have come past the planting stage of things and are ready to relax and enjoy, or rethink things. I also just found out today that Jupiter is going retro for the next few months, and that there will be blockages galore ahead, but when it returns to a direct phase in Aug. there will be benifits from this forced blockage.



{April 4, 2007}   Our Lipstick Jungle

I can’t believe it is snowing! We just got rid of all the winter and now a flash storm has covered the city once again! Damn it Janet! We have been working on the film over here at hardcore Vamps Prods., and this week were suppose to do some of the outdoor shoots, well crap! Now we will be all crammed into the office like hockey fans at a home game on Molson Night.
I just finished reading “Lipstick Jungle” by Bushnell. It was a good read, but I was disappointed by the ending. I have been a fan of her’s since “Sex and the City”, and loved both “4 Blondes” and “Trading Up”, but this one…left me alittle dry.



{February 15, 2007}   Torn between light and dark

I am curious. Anyone who is into the occult/wicca/pagan who might shed some light onto this for me. My friend calls herself a White Wiccan. She is all about magick without harming anyone. I see her point of view. My close male friend calls himself an Occultist. He doesn’t understand how one can be using magick without it somehow harming someone wither it be on purpose or not. I see his point of view. I see his point of view stronger then I see her’s. Is there a real defining line between Wiccan and Occultist? How can being a Pagan be light or dark? It is what it is. You chose to work with/against nature when you chose to use magick. He pointed out that most Wiccans would never dare to trust the Necronomicon the way an Occultist would. My female friend also talks about the empowerment of the Goddess when she talks about Wicca. She doesn’t believe in love/lust spells. She doesn’t agree with the use of spells for one’s own gain. But my male friend points out that even when you do a working for someone else, you are doing for yourself as well because you care enough about the person to feel the need to help. Therefore you are gaining something out of it, their wellbeing. Anyone who comes across this blog today, I would be interested in your point of view on the topic.



{February 7, 2007}   AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Ranting

Where do some people get off?
I have joined a few groups on yahoo, and most of them don’t ask for an introduction but I decided to introduce myself in one because of the respect I have for one of the main members. No sooner did I then some small self-serving louse attacked me as being a spammer. If they had bothered to look at the websites I had in my intro they would have seen I am anything but. And yes I did check into them, not a website, or link or pic or anything…Ironic isn’t it? To top it all off they seem to have more nonsense posts unrelated to group topics then anyone else. Okay ranting done for the day back to your regular scheduled blogs. banner8.jpg



et cetera