Confessions of a Former HamburgerJunkie

{August 23, 2007}   Summer is done

So, things have gone from bad to dead around here.
I mean that in the sense of hcvp headquarters. The entire film crew bailed for one reason or another, mostly because well, N.B. is pregnant and she was our main actress. So really there is no film. Some people moved, some people just got bitchy and left.
I am over on Facebook (not happy there though) because Gerry bugged me till I did.
I will be moving soon. I know, I have been talking about it for the past year, but I am packing up my life.

“Women of a certain age are sitting at home eating ice cream, reading Jane Austen novels…” – Must Love Dogs

In a decade where women over 30 are compared to TV characters and clumped into one of four categories (You are a Carrie, You are a Samantha, You are a Charolette, You are a Miranda) are given both the message to be stronger and more relaxed with the power they have and to be told to tame it down because the poptart role models are too over the top; is it time to just cover up? Have we fallen into the trap of using the sexual revolution as an excuse to just leave our morals and self worth in a mud puddle? How far is too far? And what are we worth if we don’t have limits anymore?

Media reflects the time it is in, or is it a case of the time reflecting the media it holds? The 80’s were a time of powerful women who appeared to have it all, the movie Baby Boom comes screaming into mind as the iconic poster for women in that time. The extremely powerful woman who not just balanced home and office, but did it so confidently. The 90’s gave birth to a powerful woman of a slightly different sense. The power was no longer wielded in the boardroom but the bedroom. Chicklit became the catch phrase as more females left the power suite in the closet and adored themselves with the powerful little black dress. Cosmopolitans became the signature drink of choice letting everyone know you were strong and sexy.

With the rise in the popularity of wrestling we saw the idea of a strong female turned into an actual visual thing (WWE’s China for example) only to bend under pressure to become watered down once more to poptartish status. Although it gave new meaning to the word Diva, wrestling…sorry Sports Entertainment, has thrown us back once more into the shadows of what power is. Apparently power for a woman is seeing who can humiliate their fellow female by ripping their clothes off in public first. And if you are 30 years old in the sports entertainment business, then you are ready to retire.

If power means youth and beauty, its no wonder that so many of our pop stars and movie icons are having meltdowns. Age should be the mark of power, self esteem should be the mark of power. Not how many times you shook your ass in a video showing your thong. Are women today using sex for the wrong reasons? The 80’s were also a time of stories that talked about finding love, the 90’s were a time of stories that talked about finding yourself. This is a time of stories that talk about finding yourself after loosing everything including that great love, then having the strength to find love again.

Am I saying we should pack the last 100 years away and act like we didn’t make any progress? No, but I am saying that we need to rethink things. We want the power, but are we really able to handle it? Women have changed, but it seems to me like the mindset of the media at large still hasn’t.

Given the fact that Jane Austen’s novels still top lists of must read books, and have almost all been turned into films, there is still a need for self confidence with an emphasis on personality over an all-exposure sexuality. The character of Elizabeth Bennet is perhaps the strongest most powerful female in literature that still keeps Pride and Prejudice in the front of people’s minds. A fictional role model that real life present “fictional” role models could look up to.

As a woman over 30, I am admitting to my own flaws, and saying that I am 75% a Carrie, 10% a Charolette, 5% a Miranda, 5% Elizabeth Bennet, and 0% a Samantha.

{May 28, 2007}   Generation X

Whatever reason this category seems to come up in some crazy language that I have no clue as to what it is in the tagging.

Just finished reading Dime Store Magic by Kelly Armstrong. I had no idea it was part of a series, now I have to get the rest of the books. If you haven’t read it, I say do so. It is a fresh take on the topic of fictional occultists. There is one scene that was just light hearted enough that I was laughing so hard I had to put the book down for a few minutes (They’re not naked, they’re skyclad) such rich writing.

{May 6, 2007}   Puzzle I Am

There just isn’t enough of me to go around.Not that it matters because even if there was there isnt enough hours in a week for me to get everything done that I need to. I have the typical troubles, (overbearing mom, crappy sister, low bank account) and some non-typical troubles (health issues steming from a car accident ontop of health issues that were already there) add to the mix that I am at a stage in life where I have hit a crossroads. The questions looming over my head right now are *should I go back to school and try to get my masters in anything, *should I take that online course I want, *should I move to a new apartment or try to stick it out for another year?
Let’s add to this that I have gotten into a relationship a few months ago with a man whom is moving out of town in two months and I don’t know if we will stay together or not? But there is even more to this mess. My friend and I back in highschool started a production company, and she has moved on with her life leaving the day to day of things to me. I want this company to be something solid, and about a year ago started to see the beginning results. It’s the deadlines and workload of this company that is draining me but in a very good way. I love what it is I do. I just dont understand why my mom cant be supportive of me?
It has caused me to have a few alter egos (the company) though. I created my art under one name, run the company under my legal name, and because I am acting in our latest film, need to be “in character” as much as possible as our “star diva”
I have run myself ragged and no longer even know who I truely am. No longer sure just what my real goals are. How much of me is me and how much is what everyone wants me to be?
After the car accident, my therapist earged me to write more as “me”. To be as unasheamed to be the person who was in the car that day. So I started to blog on the net as myself, not one of my alter egos. Because I have put so much of myself on the web as my alter egos, I have not added my photo as myself to anything. In a way it has let me be more free to be me. I have been able for the first time to incompass all of my interests not just one little piece that would fit under this part of my “character” or that little piece that would under another. Thou I am not completely ready to give up all the other parts of me, I feel alot stronger as myself as a whole person.

{April 17, 2007}   8 of Swords and Jellybeans

A friend of mine comes from a family of Shamin. She is a third generation, and was lucky enough to have met her soulmate when she was in her early teens. The couple studied Shamainism until two years ago when they split up. (he came out as gay) It shook my friend so hard that she turned her back on everything and everyone she had loved, myself included. That was until a few months ago when I had my car accident. She was there for my family when they needed her the most. Last week was the first time in the two years that she’d even touched a deck of tarots. But as always her reading was bang on. Her new boyfriend decided to pick up the deck and found the 8 of swords kept appearing, as it had for my friend. This was a little odd, cause I had been getting the same card in almost every reading for the past week. The deck in use is the Vampire Tarot by Nathalie Hertz. I had bought it a few months back because my Rider-Waite deck was so used up there was more tape holding it together then there was card. The 8 of Swords in this deck has this to say :A crouching devil hides his head from the swords of criticism, conflict, and uncertainty. The meaning=suffering a troubling time, but an extremely important crossroads in your life is approaching Reversed=big misfortune, unfaithfulness, jealousy and frustration Given the fact the three of us are all working on the latest film project that hardcore Vamps Prods., has in production, (frustration, important crossroads) my friend just found out the house she is renting is up for sale and she will have to move (big misfortune, frustration, important crossroads) her new promotion at work is causing problems with other staff who have been there longer (jealousy) and the new man I am involved with (frustration) is stressing us all to the max, that 8 of swords hit hard. And now you ask “what of the jellybeans?” That is another blog….

{April 6, 2007}   The Renfield Movement

The Renfield Movement is what I have been calling my essay (some would say my manifesto). And I guess it’s time I started to explain it. Pretty much everybody around the hcvp headquarters knows what I am getting at, we see it every day on the city streets and in the media. Now I know this is not going to be a popular idea, or at lest I should say not a positive one. What I am meaning when I say the Renfield Movement, is the fact that Vampirism has become a religion. Not the act of vampirism (though one could say it has but that is another conversation in itself) but the fact the media has turned the idea of the vampire into a god. Alot of “lifestylers” have bought into the media’s fictional iconic vampire and mixing it with paganism have created a religion based on the vampire. Therefore more and more people in the last 35 years have become part of the Renfield Movement. This is my thesis, and the main point to my essay. I will be talking more about this over time.

{April 4, 2007}   Our Lipstick Jungle

I can’t believe it is snowing! We just got rid of all the winter and now a flash storm has covered the city once again! Damn it Janet! We have been working on the film over here at hardcore Vamps Prods., and this week were suppose to do some of the outdoor shoots, well crap! Now we will be all crammed into the office like hockey fans at a home game on Molson Night.
I just finished reading “Lipstick Jungle” by Bushnell. It was a good read, but I was disappointed by the ending. I have been a fan of her’s since “Sex and the City”, and loved both “4 Blondes” and “Trading Up”, but this one…left me alittle dry.

{December 8, 2006}   Cubical Be Gone

It’s not that new of an idea. Giving office workers the extreme flexiblity to chose when they come and go and if they come in to the officebuilding at all. For the past decade working from home, on the road and none 9-5 hours has grown in all fields all over the world. Now companies like Best Buy are offering their employees the chance to create their own hours-in-office stating they are more interested in the amount of work getting done then the amount of hours on the timesheets. This way of working has been in place for the past couple of years and is now getting into the headlines. Artists have been doing this forever as well as single parents so why not the rest of the world.

et cetera