Confessions of a Former HamburgerJunkie

{May 6, 2007}   Puzzle I Am

There just isn’t enough of me to go around.Not that it matters because even if there was there isnt enough hours in a week for me to get everything done that I need to. I have the typical troubles, (overbearing mom, crappy sister, low bank account) and some non-typical troubles (health issues steming from a car accident ontop of health issues that were already there) add to the mix that I am at a stage in life where I have hit a crossroads. The questions looming over my head right now are *should I go back to school and try to get my masters in anything, *should I take that online course I want, *should I move to a new apartment or try to stick it out for another year?
Let’s add to this that I have gotten into a relationship a few months ago with a man whom is moving out of town in two months and I don’t know if we will stay together or not? But there is even more to this mess. My friend and I back in highschool started a production company, and she has moved on with her life leaving the day to day of things to me. I want this company to be something solid, and about a year ago started to see the beginning results. It’s the deadlines and workload of this company that is draining me but in a very good way. I love what it is I do. I just dont understand why my mom cant be supportive of me?
It has caused me to have a few alter egos (the company) though. I created my art under one name, run the company under my legal name, and because I am acting in our latest film, need to be “in character” as much as possible as our “star diva”
I have run myself ragged and no longer even know who I truely am. No longer sure just what my real goals are. How much of me is me and how much is what everyone wants me to be?
After the car accident, my therapist earged me to write more as “me”. To be as unasheamed to be the person who was in the car that day. So I started to blog on the net as myself, not one of my alter egos. Because I have put so much of myself on the web as my alter egos, I have not added my photo as myself to anything. In a way it has let me be more free to be me. I have been able for the first time to incompass all of my interests not just one little piece that would fit under this part of my “character” or that little piece that would under another. Thou I am not completely ready to give up all the other parts of me, I feel alot stronger as myself as a whole person.

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